If you are like me, then you love Erin's Blue Eyed Bride blog. She posted a few months ago about fighting bears and I tucked that saying away in the back of my mind because it is such a simple concept.
Right now I am in a stage of life where I am fighting bears. I think most of us are probably fighting a few bears at once at any given time.
Life has been fun lately with our moving into a new house and the excitement of making it our own. On the flip side of that however, life has also been very stressful.
I have come to the realization that my sweet little girl most likely has colic. For the past several weeks, I have not been able to put her down for more than 10 minutes at the most without a subsequent baby meltdown. If she is napping, then I get a little bit more of a break, but it doesn't feel like long enough to get my nerves back to where they should be. She is my fussy bear.
Today seemed to be a turning point with the colic. She was a happy girl and Jimmy and I actually went out for a breakfast date while Harper was in Preschool. When we went to pick him up, the teacher informed us that he'd had a bad day. We were told that he was very aggressive and then when he was put in time out, he kicked the teacher. On top of that, he dropped his pants and peed on the playground. While I get that the latter of the two is funny (I guess), I'm obviously frustrated and just flat out embarrassed by Harper's behavior lately. I know that he's two (three in April) and that this is just a difficult age, but he doesn't respond to time-out, spankings, you name it, we've tried it. NOTHING snaps him out of it. He is a stubborn, STUBBORN little bear and Hollin's inconsolable crying started again not long after Jimmy left for work this evening.
Jimmy has been as much of a help as he can be, but Hollin wants no one but mommy right now. When he is here, he has a honey-do list a mile long to help get our house put together. By the time we are both done at the end of the day, we barely have the energy to speak to one another. When he is not here working, he's out on the streets, working 12 hour nights in the freezing cold on about 5 hours of sleep. I don't know how he does it. He is my busy bear.
Then there's me. I am tired and frazzled on a daily basis. My hair stays in a greasy ponytail unless I can find the energy to shower and dry my hair at night after the babies go to sleep. My clothes don't fit like they used to. I want to lose about 10 pounds. I want to eat better and exercise, but I find myself stuffing my face with M&Ms for comfort after a long day and Lord knows I can't get away for a 30 minute workout. I could wake up 30 minutes early, but Harper is the lightest sleeper in the world. Any slight noise coming from the elliptical in the garage or slipping out the front door for a run would wake him. A gym membership is not in the budget. I want a few minutes to put makeup on at the start of the day. I want to feel "pretty" and put-together again.
The mom guilt is in full force nowadays. I am so busy trying to keep Hollin happy, that I feel like Harper is left spending a little too much time playing on the ipad. On the rare occasion that I do get a few minutes to myself, I am ridden with guilt if I don't spend them with my kids. All I can hear are the sweet old ladies telling me to "Enjoy every minute because they go so fast."
I am living the life that I wanted as a stay-at-home mom, but there are times when I just want to feel like Ashlynn again. I sometimes miss getting dressed in matching and well-fitted clothes with hair and makeup done on MY time. I feel like I've turned into that mom that I said I'd never be. The one with the greasy ponytail and spit-up stained clothes.
I am a tired bear.
I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. It took a year for me to feel "thinnish" again after Harper was born. I know that Hollin's colic will eventually go away. I know that Jimmy will (PLEASE Lord) be switched to day shift sometime in February and I won't have to fight my two bears alone at night anymore.
Life is great, but tough right now. And "You can fight a bear for a little while."
Right now I am in a stage of life where I am fighting bears. I think most of us are probably fighting a few bears at once at any given time.
Life has been fun lately with our moving into a new house and the excitement of making it our own. On the flip side of that however, life has also been very stressful.
I have come to the realization that my sweet little girl most likely has colic. For the past several weeks, I have not been able to put her down for more than 10 minutes at the most without a subsequent baby meltdown. If she is napping, then I get a little bit more of a break, but it doesn't feel like long enough to get my nerves back to where they should be. She is my fussy bear.
Today seemed to be a turning point with the colic. She was a happy girl and Jimmy and I actually went out for a breakfast date while Harper was in Preschool. When we went to pick him up, the teacher informed us that he'd had a bad day. We were told that he was very aggressive and then when he was put in time out, he kicked the teacher. On top of that, he dropped his pants and peed on the playground. While I get that the latter of the two is funny (I guess), I'm obviously frustrated and just flat out embarrassed by Harper's behavior lately. I know that he's two (three in April) and that this is just a difficult age, but he doesn't respond to time-out, spankings, you name it, we've tried it. NOTHING snaps him out of it. He is a stubborn, STUBBORN little bear and Hollin's inconsolable crying started again not long after Jimmy left for work this evening.
Jimmy has been as much of a help as he can be, but Hollin wants no one but mommy right now. When he is here, he has a honey-do list a mile long to help get our house put together. By the time we are both done at the end of the day, we barely have the energy to speak to one another. When he is not here working, he's out on the streets, working 12 hour nights in the freezing cold on about 5 hours of sleep. I don't know how he does it. He is my busy bear.
Then there's me. I am tired and frazzled on a daily basis. My hair stays in a greasy ponytail unless I can find the energy to shower and dry my hair at night after the babies go to sleep. My clothes don't fit like they used to. I want to lose about 10 pounds. I want to eat better and exercise, but I find myself stuffing my face with M&Ms for comfort after a long day and Lord knows I can't get away for a 30 minute workout. I could wake up 30 minutes early, but Harper is the lightest sleeper in the world. Any slight noise coming from the elliptical in the garage or slipping out the front door for a run would wake him. A gym membership is not in the budget. I want a few minutes to put makeup on at the start of the day. I want to feel "pretty" and put-together again.
The mom guilt is in full force nowadays. I am so busy trying to keep Hollin happy, that I feel like Harper is left spending a little too much time playing on the ipad. On the rare occasion that I do get a few minutes to myself, I am ridden with guilt if I don't spend them with my kids. All I can hear are the sweet old ladies telling me to "Enjoy every minute because they go so fast."
I am living the life that I wanted as a stay-at-home mom, but there are times when I just want to feel like Ashlynn again. I sometimes miss getting dressed in matching and well-fitted clothes with hair and makeup done on MY time. I feel like I've turned into that mom that I said I'd never be. The one with the greasy ponytail and spit-up stained clothes.
I am a tired bear.
I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. It took a year for me to feel "thinnish" again after Harper was born. I know that Hollin's colic will eventually go away. I know that Jimmy will (PLEASE Lord) be switched to day shift sometime in February and I won't have to fight my two bears alone at night anymore.
Life is great, but tough right now. And "You can fight a bear for a little while."
I'll be thinking of you sweet Ashlynn. You can fight a bear for a little while!
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to this. We're fighting the teething bear right now...I know that there's an end in sight, but we're all exhausted!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this in more ways than one Ashlynn. Being a new Mom of two is tough, and seems to have recently became even more of a struggle at times. With my new job and crazy nights I am just exhausted by bed time. I hope that Miss Hollin is letting you sleep at night and hopefully you are getting some rest in that sense! I am so glad to see that you guys got moved into your house too. I know that is a huge relief!
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